I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
