For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
