she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
