how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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