Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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