Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
