Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
