she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
