i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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