God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
