so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
