Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
