I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
