How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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