I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
