omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
