She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
