yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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