I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
