Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You pole danced in your parka.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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