you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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