My hand turned me down
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
what day is it and did you see me today?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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