All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
