I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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