"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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