I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
