**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sober January is a disaster.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
