here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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