Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
