i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
