you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
dude. I can hear the air.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
