i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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