i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
