At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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