I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
