Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
