'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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