if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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