someone get that fucking seahorse.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
