I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Holy sore nipples Batman
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
