What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
