Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
