why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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