I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
id be glad to
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
