My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
