So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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