I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
