I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
