I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
