I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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