if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
