If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
