Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize