fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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