one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize