and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
