you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
home. puking in laundry basket.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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