a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
