my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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