I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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