If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
