Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
