I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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