Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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