Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
