I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
