I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
