people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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