Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
