The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
