dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
