Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
smell my finger.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize