yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize